I Needed You

She's dying, he can't be with me, and I'm awkwardly caught up in the midst of something different with a coworker, yet I can't talk to you because you're somewhere with your lips pressed to a bottle. It hurts.

Amazing

I'm in love with the thought of you.
You've got me feeling like me again.
Butterflies,
And endless dreams,
I'm encountering because of you.
And I love that you're what I fall asleep to,
And I love that you're what I wake up to,
I think I'm falling for you.
And I hope that's a good thing.

The Need For You Is Silly Really

Close those deep, need you eyes of yours,
And listen to the melody,
Of my heart pounding fast,
While you hold my hand and we walk along the beach,
Barefoot in the sand.
I close my eyes and hold my breath,
Hoping that it will last.
That you will become something fresh, something new.
A remedy to cure my past.
Yet, people tell me I'm crazy,
That's everything is hazy,
That you're only the up before the down.
Still you're keeping the beat,
Keeping me steady,
While we tear up this town.

Saving Grace

I'm tired and alone.
But I'm okay.
There's a twinkle in my eye,
Because I have faith,
That maybe tomorow will be a better day.
I guess I just got lost,
Being someone else.
I've tried to kill the pain,
But nothing really helps.
I've lost the me,
I used to know back then.
And I'll forever sift through the past,
To see a glimpse of myself again.

The Truth Is....

I really miss you and I'm sorry.

It's Written All Over Your Face

Omg it's been a bad day. I'm about to blow this bitch up and then slit my wrists. No not literally slit my wrists. I'm just speaking figuratively. I'm a bitch but whatever, I'm still fresh. And you're a touch overrated. You're a lush and I hate it. The truth is that you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. Those words never seemed so clear. But whatever in the end you'll realized you've already had the best days of your life. And I fucking hate this town because everywhere I go, I see your freaking face. I can't walk down a street or drive to that place without having memories come rushing back to me. Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by you and frankly I'm tired of fighting to get rid of it. Seriously enough is enough. Whatever. Fuck this. Peace out.

Tell Me How Do You Sleep At Night?

Ahh to finally sit down tonight is a wonderful feeling. Almost as good as what niccotine would feel like as it carressed the inside of my lungs, but since I've given up smoking that would be the end of that thought. Pretty proud of myself however because I have gone two days so far. They say that if you can make it through three days then it gets easier. God I hope so. The coughing and the cravings are just not hot. So today was fun. Went shopping and met up with some friends. Almost had a heart attack when I thought that a friend had been in a bad accident but then I found out that it wasn't her. I feel bad for her friend though that was in it. The pictures looked pretty bad. Other than that, I was really productive today. I made like a to-do list but it's more of like a promise list of things that I am promising myself I am either going to start doing or stop doing. Lately things have been so chill for me. Nothing has been bothering me and I haven't been caring about anything lately and I do mean ANYTHING. I'm returning to the me that I used to be back in highschool when Kendra and I were nice when we needed to be nice but bitches when you messed where you shouldn't mess. Things were so much less stressful back then because I just simply didn't care what people thought. Also it has been oh so great to just not have feelings for anyone right now. I'm loving it as a matter of fact. So much more relaxing. I don't have to worry about impressing that person or constantly having them on my mind. I'm liking that I can just simply do my thing right now without having the thought of something, someone, or a possibility hanging in the background of my mind.

I Hate Valentines Day

So it's 12:5o in the am. and I just got home from work. I am supposed to be geting up in less than eight hours to head to work. I really should be sleeping, but I'm not. Oh well. So tonight was tons of fun. I mean tons of fun. I haven't had so much fun in such a long time. Me and coworker acted out the elephant melody from moulin rouge, which is my FAVORITE MOVE EVER. Haha it was so great. We were just standing in the middle of the store singing this song and acting it out. Then another coworker and I got into a soap fight, which I wooped his ass. And then lastly, my manager got into a fight with a customer that was severely intoxicated and thought that the world was going to end just because he wasn't going to get to the store before we closed. And dude this guy was like fucking nuts. He was cussing and swearing like no other. The guy told us he was going to come down there and beat our asses and that he was going to be there ten minutes after we closed. Zach and I wer just like oh bitch bring it. We were seriously going standing outside of the store smoking cigs with brooms in our hands ready for a smackdown. It was awesome. I had so much fun. Anyway...the night is getting late and I have to fucking work tomorrow morning. FML to the max. I need a new job. My job is starting to be like a monster commercial. I am just waiting for the phrase "Need a new job" to pop up in huge letters in front of my face like a sonic commercial and hunny let me tell ya something...I'm ready for it. lol I need sleep. Peace all. Night

This Runs Forever

It's a few stolen glances,
The subtleness in the stare,
And heaviness in the air,
The rising of the pulse,
And lack of words,
The smile on the face,
And shaking hands,
The nervous mind,
And the fantasy,
That shelters you in the darkest of the nights.
And takes you to the highest of all heights.
Where your obliviated mind takes new form,
And shelters you from the raging storm.
That moment when you suddenly feel like starting something new.
Meeting a stranger and falling in love out of the blue.
Where a kiss is no longer just a kiss,
But a thousand moments that you have shared.
And suddenly it doesn't seem so strange,
To just simply fall,
Without a net,
To just fall,
In love.

La La La Lie

One of my favorite things to do is just dump a bunch of cds out on my bed, randomly pick one, and then just listen to the songs that play. The key is to not know what you are about to listen to, but let the song trigger a memory. Music is such a powerful thing. It can take your mind away to a different place. If you listen to the lyrics and the lines of the song, they can change your life. Music is part of your soul. If you're the musician, then the piece is you. A composition of your life. I love music like you wouldn't believe. Seriously, I'm obsessed. Some people say that they couldn't live without their cell phone or their computer. For me, I couldn't live without music. So that's how I'm spending my evening tonight. Completely intoxicated off of nyquil and listening to music. It's a good time for real. This shit is bank.

The Chain

I need some time alone.
Some time on my own.
To find myself in this world unknown.
Be a dear and understand,
I don't expect you to hold my hand.
Because just when your grip would begin too feel familiar,
You'd pull away,
Stray away,
For something better.
However I cannot blame the fool,
For slipping further and further away.
For when all is said and done,
The fool to be had was me.
It's a play that I do recognize.
Nothing new to the scene.
But before I let emotions get the best of me,
I'll just take some time.
To cure this rediculous obsession I have for love.
That's why, you see,
I need some time alone.
Some time on my own.

UGH FUCK THIS PART TWO

Oh and PS...
I would like to say a prayer for someone that is dying of lung cancer. I hope that the time that you have left is special. Even though we were never really that close, you are still dear to me. I do have some great memories of you. It saddens me that your life is being cut short. But the good lord has a plan for everyone. I love you and stay strong. You're in my heart and in my prayers.

UGH FUCK THIS

I'm the cause once again of this malfunction in your life. In both of your lives. I'm the reason to blame once again. Whatever it's fine. It's just another reason why I'm a fucking failure at everything that I fucking do. Because everything that I fucking say to her, she takes and blows way out of proportion. She took a situation that was not hers to fix and turned it into something all about her. Why does she care so much that he said that she said those things when her and I weren't even talking that much then anyways? But I can't say anything. Why? Because I'm not supposed. I'm not supposed to get angry or upset about anything that happens. I'm supposed to just let it all take place and watch the outcome. In the end, I'll just be another reason to blame about how you lost YOUR best friend because of me. How I set out to steal YOUR best friend. How your life sucks because YOUR best friend talks to me or likes me as a friend. Well I'm sorry. I'M FUCKING SORRY. Go on and believe what you want. Again. Blame me again. I don't care anymore. I don't want a part of it anymore.

You Look a Little Unhappy About the Way the World is Turning

I am currently heavily medicated on cold medicine and listening to newport living by cute is what we aim for. It's a good song. You should listen. I'm planning on listening to all of your love by hellogoodbye next. That is another good song too. So the past two days have been quite interesting. I have recently been talking to a old friend that I got into a major fight with in the summer. I hadn't spoken to her since the fight but just recently started talking to her again. I was beginning to miss the old conversations that we used to have about useless things and the theories of our minds. So we began talking again and then we made plans to have dinner this past Saturday. I was nervous, I will admit. I wasn't sure how everything was going to go down. I just put a smile on and hoped for the best. Turns out that what was supposed to be a dinner between the two of us turned into a dinner between her and I and then two of her friends. She asked me if I cared if they joined but really what was I supposed to say? It was awkward to sit there and have dinner and conversate with people that you are not all that familiar with and then again be there with someone that you have been fighting with. Whatever it ended but I realized that things weren't the same. She is never going to change. She still blames me for things but when it all comes down to it, I think that she is the one that will never get passed the past. Maybe she thinks the same of me and that's cool. But for real. I'm tired of the same petty shit everyday. Drama never gets anyone anywhere in life. Plus, I also ran across some nasty messages that she sent me during the fight and I realized that if someone was goin to say those things about me then ultimately I don't want anything to do with them. I will still be nice to her and I will smile and say hello, but deep inside, I'm done. Besides that whole thing. Yesterday was the superbowl. The steelers won. I rooted for them. I know I said I never would because I'm a die hard patriots fan but steelers played an awesome game. They had two AMAZING plays and it was good. I also got a bit drunk last night. It was the first time in quite some time. I wasn't completely intoxicated but I had a good buzz. Oh and ps....I smoked my last cig today. Hoping that I can start the quitting process and finally get some things back on track. Anywhoo...I'm dying of the common cold and I'm also burnt from tanning so I'm gonna call it a night and go relax in a hot bath. Night all. Peace.