A Waging War

It's ten degrees below zero and I'm wrapped up in a blanket, wishing that I was filling my lungs with the soft burn of niccotine. Instead, however I sip a cup of hot coco hoping that it will take the chill away, while a few recurring thoughts keep passing my way. I glance at my phone as it begins to ring, the first sound it's made in the past two days, but after getting my hopes up, I realize it's just a bill collector. A song from an old familiar movie, reminds me of a familiar place not so long ago. And suddenly, I'm filled with remorse as I wonder why everything has to be goodbye. What's wrong with saying hello? Why do we leave everything to chance, when we know that it's only going to bring about another failed attempt or failed romance? But then again, maybe it's just me. I think I put way too much into everything. Into dreams and possibilities, hoping to gain a little in the end. But he cries, and she dies, and we see that the endings are all the same. And with that ending, we will see that all the words put down onto these pages are merely just stories of people and the lives they wish they had. I'm confusing myself and maybe you as well. But this is familiar territory for me. It takes a hard dose of medication to understand me. The thought process that I retain is something that you'll only think you understand. Really, I'm a fake, holding back the things I wish to say, but don't to avoid the moments of dissarray. I think I'm in over my head and I'm the one to blame. I put to much into you and your games. I believe in everything you do and hope that it's all true. But I get caught up in loosing another dream when reality sets in. So maybe I should go against my rule, and say goodbye instead of hello. Who knows.