Don't Worry About It

There's nothing like sitting in you bedroom, with your feet hanging out of your window, at 1:30 in the morning, smoking a cig and writing a blog. It's an amazing feeling, this early in the morning or this late at night, whever way you decide to look at it, because for a few short moments, time stands still. I am one with my thoughts. My head isn't spinning and my heart isn't racing. Suddenly things make sense. There is clarity. Staring at the stars offers hope and the song playing in my ear gives me chills. This is the one time, I don't mind silence. I don't mind the quiet. I can relfect upon the day. I only wished that I had someone here to share this moment with. This night. This moment. This cig. But it's just me, my thoughts, this cig, this song, and this blog. It's just me.

Go Your Own Way

This silence kills me.
I feel you.
Breathe you.
Need you.
Want you.
I'm begging for some corruption.
Some profanity.
Some bliss.
It's wrong.
But it right.
It's strange,
But it's alright.
Touch me,
Hold me,
Love me,
Feel me,
See me,
Know me.

Friday Night In Bed With You

I pegged you as my only hope.
And I begged you not to go,
To pause the time,
To give it a try,
As we finished out these perfect lies.
Another clever word,
Sets off an unsuspecting hurt.
And no one even knew,
That it was really only you,
That lies in the foreground of my memory,
Perhaps even in a fantasy,
Of someone that I wished you could be.
Still the postcard always looks the same,
A beautiful view of a sunset on the coast,
Something, I'm sure, I'll never get to see.
Because I've lost the ability to believe,
In anything but this.
Because I'm a disaster,
Your mistake,
That risk that you couldn't take,
And the fact that I might care,
A little too much for words,
But not enough to share,
Would be the flaw in the dare,

Infamy

I want to run.
I want to hide.
And I'm hurting on the inside.
These things you say,
I just don't understand.
I'm confused and torn,
And apparently changed.
I'm sorry.
It's me.
I just can't believe,
Everything that's happening to me.

Damn You

I hate you. Why did you have to come back after all this time? Why did you have to say something like that after all this time. I was finally over you. I was finally done crying myself to sleep. I had finally found peace at night. But here you are again. And I know that I can't let you back in. You'll just run away again. Like you always do. Cuz you are so damn good at that. You can't face the truth. Well you hurt me and I had finally found some relief. But now you're back. Why? Why would you come back and say that?

Ugh I Can't Decide

I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for all of this damn confusion. I don't know what to do. I just don't fucking know.

These Lines I Delive Are Fake

Okay I love scary movies. I love just spending random days off just watching scary movies. However, my question is why do they always seem to have the same plot? Seriously can't they ever come up with something new. There is always going to be that chick that screams at fucking everything and always gets her self killed in the beginning. There is always gonna be that boy and that girl that are so powerfully in love that they always end up winning and getting through in the end. Haha I love watching them but I just want to see a scary movie that is seriously going to freak me the fuck out. It has been forever since one has done that. Everytime I think one is going to be so friggen scary, all the good parts are shown during the previews and the movie doesn't live up to it's potential. Lol whatever this is lame. I'm blogging about scary movies on my day off. Time to go get a shower and go shopping. Then be back to town by 7 for the dessert theatre. Peace out.

An Art of Ages

Do me a favor and forget me. Forget all about what you think you know and what you think you don't know. Don't relive any moments from the past. Just leave it be. I'm not what you want. I'm not what you need. So stop chasing after me. Because it's getting harder and harder to say no. I don't want to be the cause. I don't want to hurt you in the end.

Sorry To Ruin the Moment

I thought that by the time someone was my age, they usually had their life figured out. Well maybe not all of it but for the most part, they have an idea of where they are going and how they are going to get there. Confusion and skepticism have become such an everyday part of my life that I'm starting to lose sight of the little things. The things that matter most. If someone was to ask me, right here in this particular moment, who I am, I don't believe that I could give them an answer. Truth is, I don't really know. There is so much that I would like to be and so much that I want for me, that summing it all up into a few particular words that no one could understand would just be too difficult. I wonder, sometimes, on nights like tonight, what will ever become of me. Will I ever find what I'm looking for? Because honestly, I'm tired of thinking that I've found it, that thing that I'm looking for, and letting down my guard and all the walls that I've built up so friggen high, only to find that there is something about that thing that isn't right. Something that I didn't see coming and just won't fit into my plan. I don't know wrong from right anymore. I can't even trust my own feelings to guide me in my decision making because they just keep screwing everything up. I just want to know that there is something out there to keep me going. I just want .... oh I don't know what I want. I want someone to need me like I've needed people. I want someone to want to know my darkest deepest secrets and yet they won't run. I want someone to see beyond the me I portray, to the girl that thrives for love and acceptance. I just want to know that I'm good enough for someone. Ugh.....I need something different from this quietness. I need excitement. I need out. Only I know my own condition. Only I know what is really going on and frankly, I'm dying in this sheltered life.

The Hours

This is silence.
This is me.
This is existence,
Labeled and un-free.
This is sheltered,
This is hope,
I’m bearing costs,
And learning to cope.
I’m losing sight of certain things,
Like confidence and reality,
Losing faith in colors and dreams,
Yet holding on to peace and equality.
I have my strength,
And I have my mind.
I’m stubborn and committed,
Yet unmistakably kind.
I have desires,
And I crave passion,
I fantasize,
And lack some when it comes to fashion.
I’ve been down,
Burdened and broken,
But the lessons I’ve learned,
Have become irreplaceable tokens.
I’m losing my faith in colors and dreams,
I still believe in the power of you and me.
We’re wild and untamed,
Uncontrollable yet shamed.
You are my air,
My rock,
My stone,
And lord help me,
If I ever lose my faith in you.