My Reflection Compared to My Reaction

I hate the mirror on the wall. I hate the person staring back at me.I hate the way she looks as she stares right through me. I don't want to be her. I want to rip the flesh from her bones and play Picasso for a day, just so I can paint it all over again. Maybe this time, a little bit more like the girl I want her to be. I hate the shape she forms. I hate the space she occupies because skinny is not in her dictionary. I despise the way she looks on the outside and I can't stand who she is on the inside. I want more than just simple flesh tones and a half-hearted smile. I want more than just some freak with mascara running down her face because she can't hold back. I hate the way she stares at me after a shower because the time she spent praying just to relax under a waterfall of hot water, was really time she that she fought the silence because it was screaming the truth. I hate the scars on her arms and legs. I hate what they mean and I hate the temptation that she fights off everday just to keep the blood from trickling down her sleeve. I hate her eyes because they see the real me. I hate her smile because it's so fake. I hate the person she was and the person she is and the person she will become. I hate that she exists. I hate that she is me.

Summer Stars

It’s a thrill I can’t shake.
Really, it’s the burn of your eyes as they stare into mine.
It’s getting caught up in the awkwardness of feeling fine,
Of never accepting when things go dire or realizing that you’re about to break.
It’s the ability to forget,
To never regret,
To never worry about life being way too short to change your world.
It’s the impact of it all.
And it’s the happiness that I feel,
When you smile.
When we’re together.
When we’re free to believe in the lies,
To believe in the secrets and whispers that radiate from each other’s faces.
And it’s true,
That secret, that furtive, that covert operation in which we both suppress,
Is what we hide.
But really it’s the adrenaline, the rush, the perpetuous blindness of it all,
The discretion, the shades of grey meaning that turn out so sweetly,
The hope filled lines that you deliver,
The afterglow of happiness that we walk away with,
That I love.
That I long for.
The craziness of it all,
The idea that destiny is being fulfilled,
That soul mates really do exist,
And the idea that I can be me without trying so hard,
To be what you want me to be.
Its emotions, turmoil, heartache, attention, affection, devotion,
And everything in between,
That draws us near
To fixing mistakes,
To learning and growing,
To carving x’s and o’s in our minds,
To the tunes of each other that softly play in our ears,
To being one with each other,
To wanting to be that thrill that you can’t shake,
To never giving up on the promises we make,
That I live for.

Too Much Time On My Hands

Her name rings in your ears,
Like a memory that you once knew,
And you don’t know why you’d love to love her.
In all your life,
You’ve never seen a woman,
So free and so sure,
So taken by the wind.
She sets her rules and her own limits,
A golden girl immersed in a hard core world,
The last kind of her generation.
Still she’s dangerous when it comes to bearing her soul
She is darkness and she is mystery,
The magic of a blackened night.
Like falling sands of time,
She blows your mind like the wind.
And wouldn’t you just love to love her.
You know it’s hard to find someone with that kind of intensity.
But in the end,
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?
Gave you everything you ever wanted,
But there you go again,
Saying you want your freedom,
It’s only right that you play it the way you feel it.
But listen carefully to the sounds of your loneliness
Trust your first initial feeling.
So you hope and you pray,
That the breeze will again blow your way,
That someday your paths will cross,
And maybe she would love to love you,
But all the meanwhile she just wonders who will be her lover.

For Worse or For Better

You said you needed your space
I wasn't where you wanted to be
I didn't stand in your way
I only want you to be happy
And so surprised am I to see you here tonight
Sometimes in our lives
We get to where we wonder if
The long road that we're on
Is heading in the same direction
When it comes to you and me
We're right where I know we should be
Sometimes it's like we're deep in nothing but love
And the slightest thing can grow so foolishly
Please
Can't you see that for worse or for better
We're better together
Please, just come back home
And don't say that you're sorry
Just know that we're better together.....

Set You Free

There's alot to be said about the game.
The game we play.
The game I'm playing.
It's a game I refuse to lose.
I will not lose.
I will fight for eternity,
For forever,
If that's what it takes,
I will wait in the wings of your life,
Till you find the truth.
And you'll decide to stay.

The Flame

I can't believe that you lied to me.
I trusted you and thought that you do no wrong.
I believed in you and put my faith in you.
But you lied.
You lied to me.
Now I don't know what to believe.